I've said it before, I will forever continue saying it.
I miss my mom.
For the past two weeks I have been sick. Sicker than I have been in a LONG time. I called the Dr. on Friday, and got another round of antibiotics.
I haven't cloroxed walls, dusted, de-cluttered, finished laundry,scrubbed the shower, or "deep cleaned" not one damn thing in two weeks. I feel like my husband and kids are big enough and responsible enough to complete these tasks - but that hasn't been the case.
Joslynn is busy been a teen/senior. Jayson is working 60+ hours a week, and no sooner comes home, showers and goes to bed. Addy, my social butterfly has a friend or a project going at every moment, and Ashton is practicing his Nitro Circus tricks on his motorcycle.
By week two I was getting a little resentment towards my family.
Im still convinced I became sick due to stress from the sale/transition of Riverwalk.
FINALLY, on Wednesday I was offered an official position with the new company - included were a raise and a sign on bonus :) I should be happy - right?
Nope - Im too busy feeling sorry for myself.
Yesterday I went with my bestie to help take formals of my sweet Jordan Mair. I've babysat her since she was a baby. I LOVE the entire Mair family. I couldn't be happier that she is getting married, in the temple. Watching them take pictures in front of the temple, and be so excited that in 10 days they would be there, together, sealed to each other for eternity was so exciting. However (yep, here comes the woe-as-me)after dropping Jordan and Kris off I just started to cry.
I know my turn will come, but it is taken what seems like FOREVER! I want more than anything for Jayson and I to be sealed for eternity. It can't happen soon enough, but unfortunately, the ball is in Jaysons court, and he is just holding the damn ball and wont shoot!
I walked in the door - just in enough time to say good bye to Jos and she went out the door with Mr. Wonderful. Ashton and Addy were downstairs playing, and Jayson was sitting on the couch....watching TV (grrrr) NOTHING had been done in the 5 hours I had been gone. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
...
last night, while Jayson was at work, I finally put away 2 weeks worth of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and loaded the dishwasher. I was a little bugged that not one more thing had been done all day.
...
I got upset, and quick - then Jayson threw out some ass hole comment, and I ran into my room crying.
and then....I sat in my room and cried, and then I just wanted to run away. and then I wanted to call my mom so she could make it all better -
but I can't
dammit I hate this!
why can't we just CALL heaven?
why did she have to go?
why can't I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it?
...
and then this morning, this was the first thing I saw.
talk about answers to a prayer.
I know my heavenly father listens to us. I know that he will help us. I know that he wants only the best for us. And yes, I know that sometimes, I can't have everything I want.
This song is beautiful! It is JUST what I needed this Sunday morning.
I know we are each given our trials - to learn from and make us stronger. I can only hope that I can remember to count to ten before I blow up - and remind myself that this is my life. I am in control of what I do, how I react, how I speak and what I say.
My day will come, I know this.
4 days ago
