It sucks trying to be perfect

Sometimes we just have to cry for ourselves. Ya know - like throwing a two year old tantrum. Today was one of them. Sometimes it just feels as nothing can go right, and I want to stab everyones eyes out with my favorite pen.

I feel like I try hard to remain positive, and only think of the bright side - but dammit - today I didn't want to.

It all started when I left my tooth at home. Yep, my tooth. Remember I had one pulled, and have a "flapper" until my gums heal. I was on my cell phone at home, got distracted, and walked out the door, still on the phone. (I talk better without it in) - got to Maceys and had to turn around, because I sure as hell ain't going t work with out my tooth!

Then...

Some old, and I mean OLD guy came in today looking for an apartment for his granddaughter...then sat across from my desk for the next hour telling me how I should give her a better rental rate because she is a 22yr old single mother with a 2 yr old, and a retired Marine. Ya - do the math, figure out that retirement. AND - that he is the richest man in Cache Valley, but this economy is gonna flop in two years, and he appreciates me working full time so he can collect his Social Security check. I finally had enough, and asked him to leave....after another 30 min, and me turning my back to him, he got the idea and left.

THEN...social services wants me to give them tenant info on a family that had to have a child removed from the home yesterday. BUT... they don't speak the language they do, and can't understand how to communicate with them. Can you say "warrant?" Duh people! I can't just give out info!

When I thought it was better, I had to come home - but to protect my family and my marriage, I will not give you the details. I will simply state that everyone is in bed but me, tucked in happily, and asleep, and me - well. I am cleaning, doing laundry, and typing out my frustration. It's one of those situations where I feel like the littlest thing has made me just about loose it.

I have anxiety if things are on the counter, in the sink, or in the washer when I go to bed. WHY??? They will be there tomorrow! And another thing. We have Iron in our water - lots of iron. It makes things turn different colors. It makes things smell. It gives me anxiety. If you would like to make a donation to my filtration system, I can set up a pay pal account. My water softener can only do so much. I put a bag of water softener pellets in that sucker every month.

Dear Santa,

Please bring me an iron filtration system. I promise I don't want anything else.

P.S. Thanks for the early present of my Electrolux washer.

Love,

Margaret

P.P.S. I think I will sleep on the couch tonight - because my back hurts, and the couch makes it feel better, and I don't want to accidentally suffocate you in your sleep

Thank you

Love, Margaret

My back does hurt - I think I'll take a pain pill, watch my DVR of Glee, and fall asleep on the couch.

Tomorrow is the 19th. 3 years and 10 months. When I took Dad dinner tonight I just wanted to see you. I miss you! You always made me feel better. You made stupid things seem just that...stupid! There are things in this world so much more important than the dishes and the laundry. I just need you to remind me of that sometimes..... I think you just did .....

....

thank you,