CTR

It's been over a month since I last posted something here. I was feeling very down, and didn't want to portray my negative attitude here. I was trying to get to a better place, mentally. I sometimes feel if I just let it all out, then I feel better. Each time I would sit down to write, I felt that my attitude was too negative, and I should keep it to myself.

Today, I felt spiritually uplifted. Today, I was positive. Today, I was blessed.

Today, I slept in. I wanted to go to church, but I didn't want to get up. I came out into the kitchen to find Jos ready for church.
We've been talking A LOT about choosing the right - and here I am - NOT choosing the right. She looked so dang cute, and simply suggests that we go to our old ward, since they start at 11. What a little angel!
I am so grateful that we went. It felt good to be welcomed. It felt good to be missed. And the lessons today were just what I needed. Patience with our children, and missionary work.
I have been blessed having Joslynn in my life. She has taught me so much. I won't deny that being a step mom carries its challenges, but all in all - I'm pretty lucky!
Whenever I get a little mother daughter time with her, It reminds me how much I enjoyed talking with my mom. I wont deny, I probably talk more than I listen - but I am working on it.

Jos- I love you. I am so very lucky to have you. I can't imagine for one minute what my life would be like without you. Thank you for being and example, to me and our family. Your dad and I are so proud of the choices you are making, and the person that you are. You are the bomb.com :)

Self Doubt

"Any experience can be transformed into something of value. Everything depends on the way you look at things. You cannot have the success without the failures."

I'm having a rough day , so please forgive me. I am trying to take the quote above, and make today better.

My maintenace man QUIT today - no notice - it's snowing - and I have an inspection on Monday.

I manage a property with 88 apartments. One Manager, One Maintenance - thats it! I have no back up. I have no one to pick up someone elses slack.

I am pissed

It's Spring Break, and I have not done one great thing with my kids.

Jayson got sent home early "rain day." - and now - he's going to hang out with the guys at The Owl for lunch.

My kids are home

I am pissed

I want to scream

I bribed a tenant that I would take his late fee off if he would shovel the walks

I have gone through FIVE maintenance guys in five years - I beginning to think it's me.

My boss told me not to take it personal

Im taking it personal

I feel overwhelmed

I will be okay

I just needed to vent

If you are aware of any QUALIFIED MAINTENANCE people, who would LIKE to work FULL TIME (or part time seasonal), please have them send a resume to Riverwalk Apartments @ 753-5404

more {extended} family...friends

This post is a shout out to some very important people in my life, my friends!

You know who you are, or at least you should. You have done something, at some point in my life to be my friend. Maybe my mother made us be friends when we were little. Maybe we were neighbors. Maybe we were in the same class. Maybe were related, but more like sisters than friends. Maybe we worked together. Maybe our children are friends. Maybe, just maybe you don't even know what you are to me, but I will call you my friend.

To my oldest, and dearest friends - Becky and Kaehla - I can't imagine what life would have ever been without you. My childhood and who I am today is because of you.

To my cousi-ster - I still love you even if you made me play horses when we were little.

To my favorite neighbors EVER, and my "other" family - The best three years a person could ever have, on the corner of 9100 south. I still wish Steve would have just burnt the house down, and we would have stayed!

To my high school bestie, Tammy - Every good story about getting in trouble involves you! :) Thanks for always being there, even to this day.

To my old roomie, and the best damn hair stylist - Lacee, you are the BOMB.COM!

To my co-workers (past and present) - this ones for you Miken - I love what I do because of people like you. You make the everyday interesting.

To my fellow blogging buddies - I can't thank you enough for the love and support a simple comment shows. KarKar and Jess, I'm sad we waited till after HS to make this friendship, and feel so lucky to have it now.

To the parents of my sons best friend - THANK YOU! I love having you and your family in my home. I love that we have become such great friends all because of 2 little dudes. I can't wait for the adventures and future that we will share together!

To my future daughter-in-laws parents - I can not express enough my gratitude to you. I am who I am today because of you! You were brought into my {and Jaysons} life for a reason.

I feel SO BLESSED tonight to have wonderful people in my life. I am full of such emotion and gratitude. YOU my friends, are AMAZING!

I have an amazing {extended} family

I LOVE my family - husband, children, parents and siblings - but this post is about the {extended} ones.

AUNTS AND UNCLES: I was blessed with these wonderful people the day I was born. Growing up, I spent a lot of summer months living with my aunts (moms sisters). My cousins and I took turns exchanging families. I gained such a great bond with my cousins, and we are still close because of it. We spent many hours riding bikes, playing in the canal, and even delivered newspapers one summer.

My Dads sister, Judy, has become another mother to me. My children love her, we love going to her home, and we love having her family in our home. We went to see Gnomeo and Juliet with her, and she surprised me with a cute little frog and gnome statue for my spring decor. She is so thoughtful, and always doing things {making cupcakes for Jayson, because they are his favorite, taking doughnuts and chocolate milk to the barn on Saturdays, having princess parties for the neighborhood, and the infamous Easter Egg Hunt} just because. I love you Judy. Thank You!

{detour......after my mother passed away, I gained better, stronger, more valuable relationships with quite a few people. I wished I would have done it sooner!}

My moms sisters call often, just to check in. I LOVE talking with them. As most of my Beutler cousins can attest to, they (the sisters) have the most genuine, sweet, kind spirits. They speak only of good things, and with a positive insight.

My GREAT Aunt Onie, will be 94 next month - but if you ask her - that means she will be in her 95th year. She lives just 4 blocks from my corporate office in Salt Lake. I enjoy visiting with her when I am in Salt Lake, after my meetings. You would never think she was a day over 29. I admire her strength in life, and am so grateful that I have her.

COUSINS: My mother had four sisters, and my father had two brothers and two sisters - so - I have a large family, with LOTS of cousins, and I love it! I also love that facebook keeps me updated with them since we have all gotten a little older, and busy in our own lives.

We celebrate the 24th of July in North Logan with my moms family. The cousins {Michelle and MaryAnne} decorate a float for the parade, and then all of our children get to ride, and throw candy. The North Logan 24th of July parade is the best! Wonderful community floats, and not so much advertising. We then have a fun filled afternoon in A. Maries backyard. Last year, we had a bounce house and a snow cone maker. Great memories are made, lots of laughter, and even games of family history.

IN-LAWS: I've only got one set, and I couldn't ask for anyone better. My in-laws are AMAZING. Jayson comes from a home with three sisters, therefore, I am the favorite daughter in law. :) Jay and MaryLou welcomed me with open arms, and have never made me feel less that one of their own. We are so very blessed to live so close to them, and have a strong family bond. Jaysons extended family is not as close as mine - but when the sisters get together, it's a blast. Lots of laughter fills the room, and we pack 'em like sardines so we can have giant sleepovers. Christmas Eve is usually spent with Jaysons family. We ALL get together, and have one great big sleepover. Nothing like thirteen kids opening presents on Christmas morning.

I just wanted to write a little note about how grateful I am to have these people in my life, the {extended ones}. Each and every cousin, aunt, uncle and my in-laws has done something, said something, or given me something that I hold very close to my heart. I am so blessed to have been brought into such a wonderful family.

whoa nelly

My blog sucks - I mean seriously. I just looked at the past few posts - and let me tell you - don't bother.
I do not usually think of myself as a "seasonally depressed" person - so I'm not sure if it's the season, day, time, month or year - but I'm just not 100%

I went tanning this past week - twice - IT HELPED!! So, I went again, and bought a 10 punch pass. Something about that hot bed makes me feel better. I was turning a little albino for my own liking. I feel better bronzed. My job doesn't allow for a lot of outside time, or sunny days at the pool.

My house - dirty. We've been somewhere every weekend for the past month - and I can't keep up on the house. We finally stayed home last weekend, with NO PLANS. I made home made pop tarts (so yum) and THE BEST BREAD EVER! Time consuming, but delish! I used to cook a whole lot more - but not latley. and baking is my detox. I should bake more.

Weight - I hate it when my fat pants wont fit! I mean seriously - I HATE buying anything bigger than what is in my closet right now. SO - I should prolly get my a*# to the gym! Weight goes on, it comes off, pants fit, pants wont zip up. BLEHHH! I hate body image. I hate buying "bigger" clothes, but I hate not looking good in whatever I am wearing. I refuse (and would get fired) If I wore sweats all the time. so - I bought 2 new "bigger" shirts. I HATE big boobs! And every time I gain weight - It goes there first. How I wish I could be a nice size C. I found the cutest shirt at Maurices, and couldn't have even fit ONE boob into it if I had wanted to.
Today is Mardi Gras - Jayson asked if he gave me some beads if I would show him my boobs- bleehhhh. Who even wants to look at them?

Kids - Jos is enjoying life, and is happy - but her grades SUCK! So - do I let it slide, because It's not worth the fight? Do you take away what makes them happy? (We have tried that NUMEROUS times, It didn't work).
Addy - shes a mini me - bossy, in charge, mothering - and she is loosing friends because of it! She cried last night because "everyone makes fun of Addy." I don't know what to do. YES - she is dramatic! YES, next week it will be something else, or someone else. But how do I help her NOW?
Ashton - too young to have problems :) and "he's a man."

Marriage - I have decided that Jayson is pretty wonderful! Yep - after 11 years of marriage, I am admitting out loud that I think he' s great! I usually don't tell him, because his ego swells. He is actually pretty amazing. I do wish SOME things were different, but I love what I got! :)

so - a few personal comments later, I'm feeling better. whew, thanks. My bestie told me that she thought she was negative - because she was negative for a month - a bad month - and now that I think about it - IM FRIGGIN NEGATIVE! I should really stop! I have so much to be thankful for. okay - Im done! Only happy thoughts - we'll at least for 24 hours.

any cheap, overnight, fun, exciting anniversary ideas?