The Legacy of an Adopted Child

My birth mother gave me this poem a few years ago. She is an amazing woman - who gave me life, and let another help me live life. I am blessed everyday to have been raised the way I was.

One there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother

One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.

Two different lives shaped,
to make you one;
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

The first gave you life,
The second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you up,
It was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,
The age old question through the years;
Heredity or Environment,
which are you a product of?
Neither my darling,neither;
Just two different kinds of love.

just tears

I wrote a post last Sunday - my post of the month. I wasn't feeling it. I was holding back something. I wanted to write something profound, it didn't work out that way. I wanted to express the emotions I have been having, but couldn't. I'm not sure why. Im not sure tonight can be any better, but Im going to try.

For whatever reason, I feel more blessed than ever before. I cry...DAILY...at ANYTHING. Commercials, stories, songs, kind words, thoughts... You name it, I'm crying.

Tonight I read a old friend/neighbors post about the star on her barn at home, how it signified a homecoming, and the beautiful song that she wrote with her brother before his passing in December 2003 in a skiing accident. I bawled like a baby. I can't get it together. You can listen to her song here:
hilltopstar.blogspot.com

Life is so precious, and I feel as I have taken it for granted. It seems that every day I hear a story, a sad story, of someone struggling through life;physically, emotionally or mentally.

Some of you may have heard about sweet Allisa Berry. See her blog here: http://hopeforallisa.com/updates/ . I found her blog just last Monday. ALL day I couldn't help but to think about this sweet girl and her story. I had no clue who she or her family were but felt I needed to do something. I took flowers to her Monday night, by myself. I met her, we talked. I felt her amazing spirit. Being in the Berry's home, only for a few minutes was something I needed. I find myself each day thinking about Allisa - how she is so aware that she will be leaving this earthly life, yet she is prepared to meet her maker. Her parents asking not for a miracle, but simply our prayers.

How I would love to know that I was prepared to meet my maker. To know that I had done everything that was asked of me.

We almost lost Jaysons mom this year to Pancreatic Cancer, and just this last week she went back to work. She is determined to make every day count - to live EACH day to the fullest, and enjoy everything she is given. She is a strong woman, and won't go down without a fight. She is such an inspiration to me. I am amazed every day by her, and her choice to live!

I hope that my family and friends know how truly grateful I am for there friendship. How I value living in this beautiful land, surrounded by good neighbors. I am grateful to have been raised by such wonderful parents. I feel so very lucky to have my four siblings (who listen to me, all the time) and to have married into such a great family.

Now I ask something of you - please, pray harder for those in need today. Remember those who are struggling, and who need a helping hand. Take a moment to tell someone how they have impacted your life, and made you a better person.

Merry Christmas

It's the most wonderful time of the year -

and the busiest...

I thought as the kids got older, things would slow down. No chance of that here! I finally wrapped a few gifts tonight. My closet was getting a little crowded. and then - I found more hidden gifts - oops!
I told Jayson NOT to let me buy anything else. Holy Schmoly. My kids have enough shit, and I just keep buying more.
however - why are men so hard to buy for. and why, I ask, do they have to be so damn expensive! I can get all three kids DONE for the price of one of the things Jayson wants. but...then he says "I don't want anything babe, just you." Okay - you can wipe up the throw up now. He's getting so cheesy in his old age. ( I wont lie, I kinda like it).

I do, however, feel very blessed tonight.
Joslynn ran off the road on her way to her grandmas tonight. Only about a mile down the road, through a fence on my Dads property. She said she remembers looking down and then loosing control of her car. She missed the telephone pole, hit a fence post that somehow came out of the ground, and went just over the winsdhield, through TWO fences, and only cosmetic damage to her car. She was pretty shook up. When I looked at all the posts she missed, I knew she must have had an angel with her. No way should she have not had more damage to her or the car. The scratches are deep, the passenger mirror is missing, both headlights are broken and she popped a tire - but she walked away, and Jayson drove the car home.
I feel so blessed that she is okay. Not sure how soon she will want to drive again - but Im okay with that!

It's amazing how quickly we forget the small things. How lucky we are. How blessed we are.

I don't like my job right now. AT ALL! but...I keep telling myself, in this day, Im lucky to have a job. Im grateful to not be struggling financially through life. I have a beautiful home, with a wonderful family. I have my faith, and my savior.

I love Christmas. I love everything about it! But mostly, remembering why we celebrate. It is, the most wonderful time of the year!


Happy Holidays.

squeeze your loved ones once more today.

thankful

As I walked into church I noticed a thankful tree. It encouraged us to take a leaf, write a thought of gratitude, and place it on the tree. During relief society, the lesson was on gratitude. We went around the entire room each stating a thing we were thankful for. I don't think a dry eye was in the room. I began to think of all the things that I have in life that make each day wonderful.

My thankfulness today is for the gift of the atonement. This year, has been like no other for me. It started in January when I made the choice to go visit with my bishop and talk with him about things I had been holding onto for years. Things that go back to my youth. Things that I felt I needed to come clean of. I visited with him for hours. And then visited with Jayson about my choices to repent of my past, do what was asked of me, and become worthy to go into the temple and come closer to my father in heaven.
Jayson then told me that he wanted to do this with me. I wasn't prepared to hear that from him. We decided together that we would begin the journey to make our family an eternal family. Many prayers, tears, struggles and spiritual gifts have been a constant part of our family since then.
This past year we invited the missionaries to come into our home and help us learn more about our savior and the eternal blessings that we can have. They have been in our home weekly, and have become more like family than anything. We have grown to love them, and anticipate each of the visits we have with them. They often stop by just to say hello and grab a treat (because we always have treats at this house). The spirit they bring into our home is amazing.
We are getting closer every day to our eternal goal. It has been hard. I keep reminding myself that in the end, Jayson will be there with me.
I am thankful today...because I can be! (even if Jayson did work all day, and is now paying more attention to the Steelers game than me).

Beautiful Heartbreak

I've said it before, I will forever continue saying it.
I miss my mom.
For the past two weeks I have been sick. Sicker than I have been in a LONG time. I called the Dr. on Friday, and got another round of antibiotics.
I haven't cloroxed walls, dusted, de-cluttered, finished laundry,scrubbed the shower, or "deep cleaned" not one damn thing in two weeks. I feel like my husband and kids are big enough and responsible enough to complete these tasks - but that hasn't been the case.
Joslynn is busy been a teen/senior. Jayson is working 60+ hours a week, and no sooner comes home, showers and goes to bed. Addy, my social butterfly has a friend or a project going at every moment, and Ashton is practicing his Nitro Circus tricks on his motorcycle.
By week two I was getting a little resentment towards my family.
Im still convinced I became sick due to stress from the sale/transition of Riverwalk.
FINALLY, on Wednesday I was offered an official position with the new company - included were a raise and a sign on bonus :) I should be happy - right?
Nope - Im too busy feeling sorry for myself.
Yesterday I went with my bestie to help take formals of my sweet Jordan Mair. I've babysat her since she was a baby. I LOVE the entire Mair family. I couldn't be happier that she is getting married, in the temple. Watching them take pictures in front of the temple, and be so excited that in 10 days they would be there, together, sealed to each other for eternity was so exciting. However (yep, here comes the woe-as-me)after dropping Jordan and Kris off I just started to cry.
I know my turn will come, but it is taken what seems like FOREVER! I want more than anything for Jayson and I to be sealed for eternity. It can't happen soon enough, but unfortunately, the ball is in Jaysons court, and he is just holding the damn ball and wont shoot!
I walked in the door - just in enough time to say good bye to Jos and she went out the door with Mr. Wonderful. Ashton and Addy were downstairs playing, and Jayson was sitting on the couch....watching TV (grrrr) NOTHING had been done in the 5 hours I had been gone. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
...
last night, while Jayson was at work, I finally put away 2 weeks worth of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and loaded the dishwasher. I was a little bugged that not one more thing had been done all day.
...
I got upset, and quick - then Jayson threw out some ass hole comment, and I ran into my room crying.
and then....I sat in my room and cried, and then I just wanted to run away. and then I wanted to call my mom so she could make it all better -
but I can't
dammit I hate this!
why can't we just CALL heaven?
why did she have to go?
why can't I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it?
...
and then this morning, this was the first thing I saw.
talk about answers to a prayer.
I know my heavenly father listens to us. I know that he will help us. I know that he wants only the best for us. And yes, I know that sometimes, I can't have everything I want.
This song is beautiful! It is JUST what I needed this Sunday morning.



I know we are each given our trials - to learn from and make us stronger. I can only hope that I can remember to count to ten before I blow up - and remind myself that this is my life. I am in control of what I do, how I react, how I speak and what I say.
My day will come, I know this.

Happy Halloween

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Expressions of Love

Just one of those days that I love my chewbacha more than ever!

down by the river

Im gonna try to make this simple...

I manage apartments in Logan, Utah

EMG OWNS and MANAGES Riverwalk Apartments

I work, as a manager, at Riverwalk Apartments for EMG

EMG is selling the ownership of Riverwalk

ICG is purchasing Riverwalk

ICG will NOT (as of today) be using EMG as the management company

Riverstone will be MANAGING Riverwalk, OWNED by IGC

Riverstone will hire me as a manager

I WILL STILL BE AT RIVERWALK, just with new owners and new management co.

NO ONE from Riverstone has talked to me about working for them (pay, benefits, ect.)

I am stressed

The "closing" will happen first week of November

I get a "bonus" for staying with EMG through the sale...because...ITS A PAIN IN THE ASS! I have wanted to leave my keys on the desk and walk out at least once a week for the past month.

It will be better

breath in, breath out

hell, maybe I'll get a raise :)

for sale

My emotions that is.
I watch fellow bloggers, and find it interesting what others are blogging about. For some It's only pictures, with just a few words. Others, fine writing. For some, it's a business tool. For me - well, I think It's where I put my deepest emotions. I don't think to just blog about the happiness. I turn to it as a journal entry. And honestly - over the last few months I haven't been writing because I wasn't sure I wanted to show my raw emotion to the world knowing that others read this. I have seven drafts saved - and haven't put a one of them out here. So here's the skinny - I think when I write I daydream that I'm writing to my mother. All the things I can't tell her because she isn't here. All my sadness she used to fix for me. All my tears she would wipe away.
Friday is her birthday. I miss her more every year. I was too young to loose a mother. My children were far to young to loose a "maree," and my father was robbed of the love of his life.
I often say that baking is my stress relief. I believe that. When I was younger, I remember my mother in the kitchen. Making wonderful things. Preparing for some special dinner, and making sure the table looked just right. As I grew, and after her stroke, he cooking went a little south - but it's the thought that counts, right?
so tonight - Im letting some of the hidden emotions out.
please forgive me
stop reading now
or read on...
but you have to promise to comment, it gives me warm fuzzies.

THE KIDS:
Joslynn; it seems like it has taken forever to get where we are. You always told me one day she would appriciate all that I did. I think maybe, just maybe I see that now. She turned seventeen in August. still no licence, and not much drive to get it. She has had her permit since last August. BUT...finally, Monday, she got it. The look on her face was priceless! and then today, her orthodontist told her she might just get her braces off in two months, after two long years. Her comment: "look ma, Im growing up." It melted my heart. She is going to Homecoming this Saturday. The dress...beautiful! Makes her look all grown up too. And then, the reality that she really is a senior, and might just leave this house - well, It breaks my heart. I've loved that little girl like my very own since the day I met her. All I've ever wanted her to feel is loved.

Addy; geesh, when you said she was just like me, you weren't kidding. Sometimes it breaks my heart. I know what I struggled with - and see her going in the SAME direction. She turned eleven on Sunday....and...(TMI) started her period tonight! I can't even stand it! I got super upset with her Saturday night about not sharing, and then had to run to Maceys to grab the groceries for her Sunday birthday dinner. When I got home, she had left a note on my bed. The note that makes you feel like the worst parent in the world. The "Im sorry I make you so mad, I know you wished I was never born" note. And then It dawned on me. We are a family because of her. If I had not have gotten pregnant, who knows where Jayson and I would be today. I quickly went into her room, gave her a big kiss and told her how much I loved her. She misses her Maree just as much as me. Her Maree was her very best friend. When she's having a bad day, she tells me a tea party with Maree would make it all better.

Ashton; This little man is the light of my life! His beautiful eyes looking at me, telling me he loves me. He was my angel straight from heaven. It took me forever to get him here, and I knew he would be my last. Every little thing he does I embrace. I probably need to get triple insurance coverage to cover what he'll do in the future - but I love that he has such an ambition to get out and enjoy life.

my chewbacha;I've put this man through hell and back - and he still comes home to me every night. He loves me. He loves my entire crazy family, and he would do anything for me. We have grown so very much over the last twelve years, I can't imagine what the rest of time will be like. I KNOW one day, we will promise eternity together. I know he is trying. I know the devil sits on his shoulder. He has a past that had him dead by 25, and now - well, life is just beginning. Alcohol is a nasty poison, one of the hardest Im sure. But I know he can do it! I know we can do it together - for our family. For us. For himself.

church; I have NEVER felt this close before, yet so far away. When I don't go, Im empty. Something is missing. Something doesn't feel right. The minute I walk through those chapel doors, I am calm, at peace. I know I'll make it - one step at a time!

family; where to start...MaryLou was diagnosed with terminal Pancreatic Cancer in March 2011. On June 17, she underwent a surgery (the whipple procedure) that would hopefully remove this cancer. (talk about modern technology). After 18.5 LONG hours in surgery, the procedure was done, and well she is cancer free. However - She's not out of the woods yet. The recovery has been anything but easy. After having every side affect possible, rehab, and more - she came home on Sunday. I still don't think she's even 40% - but she's not giving up! We all knew what this would/could do to her. We all know that she may still not make a full recovery. But, we love her, and are NOT ready to give up the fight!
my family; Elizabeths baby was born July 17, five weeks early. Only weighing in at 5lb 11oz. Today, 2 months later - she's weighing in at 8lb 11oz. We love her so much! Luckily for Aunt Maggie, I live next door, and get this little angel quite a bit. I am so lucky to be apart of her life.
My Dad - bless his heart, has Elizabeth, baby, boyfriend and Kevin living at home with him. I KNOW there is a special place in heaven for him. I enjoy taking him dinner at night, and Sunday afternoons. I get pretty emotional when I talk about how amazing I think my father is. Its as if I don't even have words to describe what I feel. He has had things happen to him that no man/boy/son/brother or father should have to go through. But his trust in the lord, that with this, all things shall pass, is simply amazing. I love him. I am so lucky to have been given him.

the job;AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Riverwalk is selling within the next 30-45 days, and at this point, the new owners will be using a new management company. I have been offered a position with them, and will be able to stay in my current position. BUT - Im not excited. It's like interviewing for a job that you never turned in an application for. I feel forced to make the change- a change I am not prepared to make. What If I don't want to do it anymore? What if Im done? I would LOVE and I mean LOVE to be doing something that I have passion and dreams about. Not so sure that passion and dreams pay the bills though. Reality is reality, and sometimes dreams just have to wait.

I feel blessed every day I come home through the doors of MY home, greeted by MY kids, and see my smokin hot construction worker. Im lucky. I know that. But I still have bad days.

I miss you mom. I didn't know it was possible to miss you more every day. I miss our chats. I miss your smile. I miss your funny clothes. I miss our trips to town. I miss your advice, and your kind words. Happy birth day.
i. miss.you.
every single day!

shit, damn and hell

These are my three favorite {naughty} words. I say them a lot. My Dad once told me the were "legal." I'm gonna stick to what he said.
Today was a shit, damn, hell.....and.....a few more words kinda day.

thank you!

It's amazing how something as simple as a facebook "Happy Birthday" can make you feel so dang important. I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world.
THANK YOU to all of you. It's just goes to show that you never know how something so simple can make someones day.
I don't expect much on my birthdays, Im too old for that. But just the words "happy birthday" mean someone was thinking of me.

Since my mom passed, my father has taken up baking (just a few things)and one of them is Magic Cookie Bars. My entire family and extended family loves the little pieces of magic(I love the crusty little edges most). Two years ago, my sweet Dad went into Kitchen Kneads and bought one of those brownie edge pans. Each year for my birthday he comes over when Im not home, and sneaks it out and makes me my own individual pan of magic cookie bar EDGES. Seriously - Best Dad EVER! see - SIMPLE things make me so happy!

After my moms funeral, my Dad made comments about how he noticed that certain people he thought would come didn't. At the time, I think It hurt his feelings. Im pretty sure that since then, he has gone to almost every viewing of people he knows. Sometimes, It creates awkward moments, telling someone you barely know how sorry you are - but on the end - all they will remember is that you showed them support.

It taught me a valuable lesson to never under estimate the power of your being. I can't tell you how many times someone elses smile, facebook/blog comment, or text has made my day. THANK YOU to all of you who have made my day feel so very important.

yackity smakity

I tend to blog, late at night, when I can't sleep, because I have WAY to much on my mind.
Here is to yet another bloggidy blog;

1. One week from now, I will not be able to sleep. Why? Because I will be anticipating waking up my little angels to get on a 9:05 flight outta here, to the beautiful coast of Oregon for and entire SEVEN days.

2. I feel that I deserve this vacation more that anything right now.

3. I just completed unit inspections at my property. What are these you ask? Twice a year, I have the joy of inspecting every single one of the eighty eight apartment homes on the property I manage. Some units are pleasant, clean, and smell of fresh Clorox. Others, well, they leave dog shit in the bathroom so that you can step in it! Yes, dog shit. and fresh at that. And yes - I made her take my shoe, and wash it off! AND yes, I gave her a warning notice. I can be a real mean landlord at times.

4. My property is for sale. It has been for sale for all six years that I have been managing it. However, this is the first time that it has been listed with an active broker. I have three appointments in the next three days to "tour" the property. The potential sale could mean a few things for me. A. New owner will purchase the property, but continue using EMG (current employer) as the management service. B. The new owner will NOT use EMG, but will hire me to continue managing the property for them. and C. I will no longer be needed at Riverwalk.
This entire concept is very hard for me right now. It makes me very emotional. I have no control of the situation, and just have to put on my happy pants and smile. I do not like knowing what is going to happen. I like "plans."
Honestly - I can't imagine working for another management company besides EMG. I know people change jobs all the time, but I am happy where I am. I enjoy the people I work with. I love my residents, and the property I manage. Some of the residents have become like a second family to me. I spend 40+ hours per week getting to know them, personal information. I have watched some of those children grow up, and graduate. I have held a mother, as she watched her baby pass away. I have listened to them, consulted them, helped them deal with there child's sexuality choices. I have cried, laughed, and learned with my residents. How could I leave that? As much as I whine about them, I truly love them. I can honestly say that I know each and every resident by name. (Well, maybe not the Burmees ones, but that's because the names are so dang hard!)
The sale and outcome of my property are mostly out of my control. My choices will placed before me, and I will have to choose. Of course - the best option is A. I pray that EMG continues to be the management company on the property - if not - be warned of the complete anxiety attack! (yes, I do have meds on hand)

5. My babies are growing up. I even cried thinking about Joslynn being a senior this next year. She has become the most beautiful, strong young woman. I am proud of the choices that she is making to helping her achieve eternal happiness. Addy made me promise to take her to the Barn Dance last Saturday night. She put on a skirt, and away we went. Her "crush" asked her to dance and she declined because she was nervous. Luckily she got brave and asked him before the night was over. Ashton begs and cries for either a dirt bike or a four wheeler every night. My little dare devil is gonna be the life of me.

6. We have been attending church as a family and the missionaries have been coming to our home. This is a HUGE step not only for Jayson, but our entire family. Jayson and I have talked our entire marriage about making "better choices" for our family. Were still making changes. I am so thankful for the blessings of patience that our Heavenly Father has given us, and that he has with us. Jayson and I both still have a long way to go - but the light is closer than it has EVER been. Jayson talks about the day he will drink his last beer.....it's just a talk right now, but one day it will be a reality. I can only expect him to move at his own pace. Elder Hall and Elder Williams have been such a blessing. We love having our visits with them. I can't even begin to explain the spirit and peace they bring into our home. Watching the children, and Jayson participate brings such joy to me. I am learning so much about myself, things I never knew. I tend to make this about Jayson - but really, I need it to.

7. I have the most amazing friends, ever! We have this little group that we spend most Saturday nights with. Jayson calls them his "Saturday warriors." This last Sunday, two of the families came over after church, had lunch/dinner with us, and spent the entire afternoon/evening her at our house. We cleaned up, made treats, watched the game, played outside with the kids, watched the kids "put on a play, " and went for a very short walk :) My warriors are my strength! I can NOT imagine where I would be right now without them. My weeks are not complete when we don't see them. I feel as if I need each and every one of them for an individual purpose.

8. My dad is the greatest! Just giving him a little shout-out. Growing up, he was ALWAYS working to provide for our family. He taught me that hard work didn't come easy, but the outcome is rewarding. I loved working with him on the farm, and getting life's lessons from him. I'm pretty sure the "birds and the bees" was demonstrated doing AI on a cow. I can guarantee you this - thinking that having a child meant some dude was gonna put on a glove, and shove his entire arm up me was not a pleasant thought. I stayed clear of boys (for awhile). But seriously, to this day - If I need advice, a shoulder, or a fathers blessing, my Dad is there for me. I am so grateful to live so close to him. I am so lucky that my children can ride there bikes to the barn yard, or hop in the swather with him when he's working the fields. He is an inspiring man. Keeping positive and looking forward, and always having words of wisdom.

As I have been writing my thoughts of the day,I can't help but to feel grateful. I am so lucky to have a good job, good friends, and close family. I am so lucky to be in love with my best friend. I am blessed to have three beautiful children. I am even grateful for the one dog, one lizard and three goats (PS. Roofus is leaving - he's mean to the ginny goats). I am thankful for everyday that I have to spend with the people that I love. Life is too short not to.

Laugh harder, love stronger, forgive quicker, and hold tighter.

CTR

It's been over a month since I last posted something here. I was feeling very down, and didn't want to portray my negative attitude here. I was trying to get to a better place, mentally. I sometimes feel if I just let it all out, then I feel better. Each time I would sit down to write, I felt that my attitude was too negative, and I should keep it to myself.

Today, I felt spiritually uplifted. Today, I was positive. Today, I was blessed.

Today, I slept in. I wanted to go to church, but I didn't want to get up. I came out into the kitchen to find Jos ready for church.
We've been talking A LOT about choosing the right - and here I am - NOT choosing the right. She looked so dang cute, and simply suggests that we go to our old ward, since they start at 11. What a little angel!
I am so grateful that we went. It felt good to be welcomed. It felt good to be missed. And the lessons today were just what I needed. Patience with our children, and missionary work.
I have been blessed having Joslynn in my life. She has taught me so much. I won't deny that being a step mom carries its challenges, but all in all - I'm pretty lucky!
Whenever I get a little mother daughter time with her, It reminds me how much I enjoyed talking with my mom. I wont deny, I probably talk more than I listen - but I am working on it.

Jos- I love you. I am so very lucky to have you. I can't imagine for one minute what my life would be like without you. Thank you for being and example, to me and our family. Your dad and I are so proud of the choices you are making, and the person that you are. You are the bomb.com :)

Self Doubt

"Any experience can be transformed into something of value. Everything depends on the way you look at things. You cannot have the success without the failures."

I'm having a rough day , so please forgive me. I am trying to take the quote above, and make today better.

My maintenace man QUIT today - no notice - it's snowing - and I have an inspection on Monday.

I manage a property with 88 apartments. One Manager, One Maintenance - thats it! I have no back up. I have no one to pick up someone elses slack.

I am pissed

It's Spring Break, and I have not done one great thing with my kids.

Jayson got sent home early "rain day." - and now - he's going to hang out with the guys at The Owl for lunch.

My kids are home

I am pissed

I want to scream

I bribed a tenant that I would take his late fee off if he would shovel the walks

I have gone through FIVE maintenance guys in five years - I beginning to think it's me.

My boss told me not to take it personal

Im taking it personal

I feel overwhelmed

I will be okay

I just needed to vent

If you are aware of any QUALIFIED MAINTENANCE people, who would LIKE to work FULL TIME (or part time seasonal), please have them send a resume to Riverwalk Apartments @ 753-5404

more {extended} family...friends

This post is a shout out to some very important people in my life, my friends!

You know who you are, or at least you should. You have done something, at some point in my life to be my friend. Maybe my mother made us be friends when we were little. Maybe we were neighbors. Maybe we were in the same class. Maybe were related, but more like sisters than friends. Maybe we worked together. Maybe our children are friends. Maybe, just maybe you don't even know what you are to me, but I will call you my friend.

To my oldest, and dearest friends - Becky and Kaehla - I can't imagine what life would have ever been without you. My childhood and who I am today is because of you.

To my cousi-ster - I still love you even if you made me play horses when we were little.

To my favorite neighbors EVER, and my "other" family - The best three years a person could ever have, on the corner of 9100 south. I still wish Steve would have just burnt the house down, and we would have stayed!

To my high school bestie, Tammy - Every good story about getting in trouble involves you! :) Thanks for always being there, even to this day.

To my old roomie, and the best damn hair stylist - Lacee, you are the BOMB.COM!

To my co-workers (past and present) - this ones for you Miken - I love what I do because of people like you. You make the everyday interesting.

To my fellow blogging buddies - I can't thank you enough for the love and support a simple comment shows. KarKar and Jess, I'm sad we waited till after HS to make this friendship, and feel so lucky to have it now.

To the parents of my sons best friend - THANK YOU! I love having you and your family in my home. I love that we have become such great friends all because of 2 little dudes. I can't wait for the adventures and future that we will share together!

To my future daughter-in-laws parents - I can not express enough my gratitude to you. I am who I am today because of you! You were brought into my {and Jaysons} life for a reason.

I feel SO BLESSED tonight to have wonderful people in my life. I am full of such emotion and gratitude. YOU my friends, are AMAZING!

I have an amazing {extended} family

I LOVE my family - husband, children, parents and siblings - but this post is about the {extended} ones.

AUNTS AND UNCLES: I was blessed with these wonderful people the day I was born. Growing up, I spent a lot of summer months living with my aunts (moms sisters). My cousins and I took turns exchanging families. I gained such a great bond with my cousins, and we are still close because of it. We spent many hours riding bikes, playing in the canal, and even delivered newspapers one summer.

My Dads sister, Judy, has become another mother to me. My children love her, we love going to her home, and we love having her family in our home. We went to see Gnomeo and Juliet with her, and she surprised me with a cute little frog and gnome statue for my spring decor. She is so thoughtful, and always doing things {making cupcakes for Jayson, because they are his favorite, taking doughnuts and chocolate milk to the barn on Saturdays, having princess parties for the neighborhood, and the infamous Easter Egg Hunt} just because. I love you Judy. Thank You!

{detour......after my mother passed away, I gained better, stronger, more valuable relationships with quite a few people. I wished I would have done it sooner!}

My moms sisters call often, just to check in. I LOVE talking with them. As most of my Beutler cousins can attest to, they (the sisters) have the most genuine, sweet, kind spirits. They speak only of good things, and with a positive insight.

My GREAT Aunt Onie, will be 94 next month - but if you ask her - that means she will be in her 95th year. She lives just 4 blocks from my corporate office in Salt Lake. I enjoy visiting with her when I am in Salt Lake, after my meetings. You would never think she was a day over 29. I admire her strength in life, and am so grateful that I have her.

COUSINS: My mother had four sisters, and my father had two brothers and two sisters - so - I have a large family, with LOTS of cousins, and I love it! I also love that facebook keeps me updated with them since we have all gotten a little older, and busy in our own lives.

We celebrate the 24th of July in North Logan with my moms family. The cousins {Michelle and MaryAnne} decorate a float for the parade, and then all of our children get to ride, and throw candy. The North Logan 24th of July parade is the best! Wonderful community floats, and not so much advertising. We then have a fun filled afternoon in A. Maries backyard. Last year, we had a bounce house and a snow cone maker. Great memories are made, lots of laughter, and even games of family history.

IN-LAWS: I've only got one set, and I couldn't ask for anyone better. My in-laws are AMAZING. Jayson comes from a home with three sisters, therefore, I am the favorite daughter in law. :) Jay and MaryLou welcomed me with open arms, and have never made me feel less that one of their own. We are so very blessed to live so close to them, and have a strong family bond. Jaysons extended family is not as close as mine - but when the sisters get together, it's a blast. Lots of laughter fills the room, and we pack 'em like sardines so we can have giant sleepovers. Christmas Eve is usually spent with Jaysons family. We ALL get together, and have one great big sleepover. Nothing like thirteen kids opening presents on Christmas morning.

I just wanted to write a little note about how grateful I am to have these people in my life, the {extended ones}. Each and every cousin, aunt, uncle and my in-laws has done something, said something, or given me something that I hold very close to my heart. I am so blessed to have been brought into such a wonderful family.

whoa nelly

My blog sucks - I mean seriously. I just looked at the past few posts - and let me tell you - don't bother.
I do not usually think of myself as a "seasonally depressed" person - so I'm not sure if it's the season, day, time, month or year - but I'm just not 100%

I went tanning this past week - twice - IT HELPED!! So, I went again, and bought a 10 punch pass. Something about that hot bed makes me feel better. I was turning a little albino for my own liking. I feel better bronzed. My job doesn't allow for a lot of outside time, or sunny days at the pool.

My house - dirty. We've been somewhere every weekend for the past month - and I can't keep up on the house. We finally stayed home last weekend, with NO PLANS. I made home made pop tarts (so yum) and THE BEST BREAD EVER! Time consuming, but delish! I used to cook a whole lot more - but not latley. and baking is my detox. I should bake more.

Weight - I hate it when my fat pants wont fit! I mean seriously - I HATE buying anything bigger than what is in my closet right now. SO - I should prolly get my a*# to the gym! Weight goes on, it comes off, pants fit, pants wont zip up. BLEHHH! I hate body image. I hate buying "bigger" clothes, but I hate not looking good in whatever I am wearing. I refuse (and would get fired) If I wore sweats all the time. so - I bought 2 new "bigger" shirts. I HATE big boobs! And every time I gain weight - It goes there first. How I wish I could be a nice size C. I found the cutest shirt at Maurices, and couldn't have even fit ONE boob into it if I had wanted to.
Today is Mardi Gras - Jayson asked if he gave me some beads if I would show him my boobs- bleehhhh. Who even wants to look at them?

Kids - Jos is enjoying life, and is happy - but her grades SUCK! So - do I let it slide, because It's not worth the fight? Do you take away what makes them happy? (We have tried that NUMEROUS times, It didn't work).
Addy - shes a mini me - bossy, in charge, mothering - and she is loosing friends because of it! She cried last night because "everyone makes fun of Addy." I don't know what to do. YES - she is dramatic! YES, next week it will be something else, or someone else. But how do I help her NOW?
Ashton - too young to have problems :) and "he's a man."

Marriage - I have decided that Jayson is pretty wonderful! Yep - after 11 years of marriage, I am admitting out loud that I think he' s great! I usually don't tell him, because his ego swells. He is actually pretty amazing. I do wish SOME things were different, but I love what I got! :)

so - a few personal comments later, I'm feeling better. whew, thanks. My bestie told me that she thought she was negative - because she was negative for a month - a bad month - and now that I think about it - IM FRIGGIN NEGATIVE! I should really stop! I have so much to be thankful for. okay - Im done! Only happy thoughts - we'll at least for 24 hours.

any cheap, overnight, fun, exciting anniversary ideas?

a month early...

My nephew Kyle and his wife Maddie are at the hospital - waiting for baby Avery Michelle to arrive. She was due March 25 - not for another month! We are so excited for this little one.

I'm a little bummed that we will be in Rexburg this weekend, and wont be able to see her for a whole week...

I'll post a pic as soon as I get one!

were gonna party...

I LOVE parties, I LOVE having people at my house, I LOVE making yummy treats, and I LOVE having a reason to be busy. SO - How about, I host another PARTY???

THURSDAY FEB. 17

Open House 6-8

*Jewelry from Kim Wright

and from Bella Me Boutique...

*Jeans/Capris

*Purses

*Hats

*Shirts

*Belts

and more...

You can check out Bella Me Boutique on facebook, and see what she's got. Kim Wright will be doing the jewelry. It's a what you see is what she's got - so GRAB IT FIRST! :)

I hope to see ALL of YOU - your friends, neighbors and relatives.

a thought...or 2 or 3....

Outside my window right now... Melting snow and sunshine.

I am wearing..."work clothes" Dress slacks, that I wish fit looser, and a ruffle shirt to hide my under ruffles.

I am so grateful for... Footprints. I know that someone is holding me up right now.

I am thinking... I should go tanning - I wasn't this white when I was 9 months pregnant.

I am creating... Ideas for couples Bunko at my house this weekend

I am missing... My mom, always. She always had a smile and good advice

One thing I love about my job right now... I work with amazing, talented, positive women.

I am hoping and praying for... My children to grow strong and spiritual

From the kitchen... Preparing items for our Family Home Storage Prep class tomorrow night

One of my favorite things... freshly cloroxed walls

My love... my husband, children and food

TODAY... It's a beautiful day, things are good, kids are happy.

My Hero... my father. and not in a cheezy "he's my dad" kind of way. He forgives, forgets, and remembers what is important.

My friends... Truly amazing and inspiring!

My joy... A house full of laughter.

This blog ... a place to write thoughts, vent frustration, and gain positive insight.

My future... only time will tell ...

should I make Lemonade?

The saying when life gives you lemons....

Well, I found the most awesome little cookbooks ever that say you should make Lemon Poppyseed cake, and baking does calm my soul. However - I think I might just have to deal with this one.

My 24 yr old, un-married little sister is having a baby. She is EXCITED, I am worried. I haven't slept much since the news. She has a boyfriend (baby's daddy), and he is also excited and supportive. I should be too.

I was 19 and pregnant, working 2 jobs and had a shotgun wedding. Were still here after 11 years in March. Marriage is hard enough just learning about each other -no less starting right off with a baby.

Elizabeth wants me to support her, I am struggling. Good thing for big sisters, Jennifer went to the doctor with her. Dr. confirmed she is 14 weeks. Due in the heat of July.

If you know my family, or my sister, maybe you understand my concern. I love her very much. I want her to be happy. It's just hard.

Please say a prayer for her. Pray that she will be healthy and safe. Pray that this sweet little one will grow healthy inside her, and grow to full term.

Pray for me too.....I think I need them too. :)

FYI - My blogging buddies are the best. You have NO IDEA how much you inspire and help me daily. I love the comments you leave me, helping me to be a better person, and know that we all have rough days. THANK YOU!!!!

Happy Thursday

when I get bored -

Family

Valentines/Love

I don't love this, at all...but I made it, and it took 10 minutes

Used old scrapbook paper, and had the kids help me cut out different shaped hearts

(this one is for SALE! )

All of these, Just for fun! :)

Gray November Day

It is not a gray NOVEMBER day, but it sure is a gray JANUARY day - and my mother loved them. I think November is the hardest month for my father. I never understood why she loved those "ugly" days. This past November I reminded myself that my mother loved everything and everyone. She saw the good in others that no one else did. Maybe she never really loved those gray days, she was just making the best of what we had.
My mother taught me a lot about making the best with what we had. We weren't rich, but I never thought of us as poor. We had a home, we had love, and we spent time together. Family was important!
In memory of my mother - I will try TODAY and every other day to keep my chin up, and try to make the best with what I have, no matter what it is!
We miss you mom, everyday! Love you, to the moon and back!

I'm feeling crafty...

I stayed home Monday with a headache. I can't stay home alone and do nothing. Sleeping off the headache turned into a Valentines garland, and internet searches of some cute easy to do decor.
...

pictures this weekend...

I know, your so excited!

I can't wait either :)